Is it me or .....?

So many times, I've been wondering....
who's really wrong?
is it me or her?

Maybe someone can tell me....
Here's the story.....
It was my birthday and she asked me
whether I want to buy some cake or not
Honestly, I do not want to buy or treat anyone
So....I directly said "No"
When I arrived at my office,
some friends said "happy birthday to me"
Well, that's a surprised...consider that I do not want anyone said anything
In the midday, after meeting with agents at Sudirman, on my way back
I've just got that tought of buy something; like pizzas or donuts
Later then I've decided, I would buy some pizzas
I went to Gadjah Mada Plaza where there's a PIZZA HUT counter
But before that tought, I called her but not telling what I was gonna do (buy pizza)

skipped...skipped...

At night, I told that I way buying pizzas for my office friends
and suddenly she got furious...
She can not except my explanations
She think that I have already refused to bring or buy cakes
but now I denied my words
She's mad about what I said that it's better to save our money than treat friends
and about not telling her first before I buy something
and her perception of possibility that I might not tell her about this..

and the truth is really...it makes me re-thought of tell her everything..
I told her then I was wrong..
I'm not tell her then maybe there are nothing happens.

All this things make me think and think again..
maybe it not her
maybe all the trouble happen because of me...

IS IT ..........
or
ISN'T IT .........

I have my lesson

Seringkali aku mendengar atau membaca:
"mengambil keputusan di antara pilihan dan kondisi yang sangat sulit"
Semula aku berpikir, hal ini tidak akan terjadi pada diriku.
Tapi ternyata ....
Kejadian ini harus aku alami sendiri.
Dengan perasaan sedih dan pedih,
dengan hati yang hancur remuk,
dengan hati yang ingin berteriak, menangis.
Tapi semua itu tetap tidak berpengaruh.
Semua mimpi akan rumah kecil, mungil seadanya.
Jauh dari kesan nyaman dan wah.
Paling tidak itu adalah milik ku (-milik kami-)
Ternyata harus lenyap,
Semua seiring dengan waktu
dan juga harus hancur oleh waktu itu sendiri
dan juga keadaan.
Aku benar benar tidak tahu harus berbuat apa.
Ternyata pelajaran berharga itu, harus aku alami.
Dan kini aku telah belajar
Amat sangat sulit diterima,
tetapi semua itu sejalan dengan waktu yang ada.

I'm awake - Alive

Mataku terbuka, aaah kamarku masih gelap gulita.
Sinar dari luar kamar tak tembus sedikitpun. Ternyata masih pagi sekali.
Aku baru tersadar....Ah, ternyata aku masih hidup.
Setelah menenggak 3 pil obat pereda flu; melebihi dari dosis yang dianjurkan yang tertulis pada kemasannya; ternyata aku masih mampu membuka kelopak mataku.
Kucoba menghirup nafas sedalam dalamnya.
"Loh kok, masih pilek?" tanya diriku dalam hati.
"Masak sih 3 pil masih tidak mempan?" masih saja aku bertanya tanya.
Tanpa berpikir panjang, aku segera bangkit dari tempat tidur dan berjalan keluar kamar.
Langsung aku masuk ke kamar mandi setelah mengambil handuk.
Aku ingin melenyapkan semua kejadian tadi malam.
Tapi sia sia......
Kejadian semalam, semua ingatan itu, tidak akan begitu mudah akan hilang.
Aaah...ternyata aku masih terbangun dan hidup.
Untuk menikmati hari ini, untuk merasakan getir dan pahitnya hidup.
Tidak berani kubayangkan sedikit pun cerita sukacita.
Semoga hal ini tidak berlangsung lama...
Semoga..

I'm still Alive...

It takes about one and a half years for me to get back to my blog.
And finally I AM ALIVE.
Is that a good news or a bad news? It depends on which side you want to look at.
But one thing for sure, there are a lot of things that have been happened to my life.
The good ones and the bad ones.
I hope I still have time to share in this blog.

I'm alive.
That's very good if you (and I) think that you are supposed to live that long.
Life is a gift from GOD, no one can deny that. You can not turn against that.
GOD has given me so much things:
the good life, the people who love and be loved by me, and many things.

I'm alive.
That's a bad thing because I have to suffer a lot more.
There are many pain and sorrow that I have to face it.
I have to see the mean world.
I have take all my burden:
the bad and the worst life of mine, the people who can not understand me, and so much more.

Well, that's the life. To be precised that's MY LIFE.